Moving Day

Dropping my son off at college was one of the proudest moments of my life. As we drove through the redwoods toward UC Santa Cruz, the car was filled with excitement—his and mine. I couldn’t help but share stories (ones he’d probably heard a dozen times) about my own move-in day at UC Berkeley years ago. I told him about the eccentric old man I rented a room from and how I learned to get creative with a hotplate and microwave. We laughed, we reminisced, and then it was time to unpack.

We spent an hour moving his carefully packed possessions into his dorm room, setting up his new space and meeting his roommate. And then came the moment: a long hug, a quick goodbye, and giant smiles—his brimming with possibility, mine trying to mask the bittersweet ache underneath. He headed off to his orientation event, and my wife and I headed into town, ready to toast this milestone as new empty nesters.

That’s when it hit me.

Sitting at a bar with margaritas in front of us, I broke down. I mean ugly cried—the kind you can’t hold back, no matter who’s watching. All the emotions I’d been holding onto for months (maybe years?) came pouring out. Pride, joy, fear, sadness—every moment of his life flashed before me. He was my Halo buddy, my chess partner, my scout. I was his chauffeur, his sounding board, his dad. And now, he wasn’t just my son anymore; he was a young man starting his own life.

He wasn’t truly alone, of course. Colleges today are better equipped than ever to support freshmen with adjustment programs, and he was in a dorm surrounded by peers, already chatting with his roommate. But the distance—those 500 miles between us—felt monumental. And while I was proud beyond words, I also felt powerless. I knew he’d face challenges, frustrations, and moments of doubt, and I couldn’t be there to solve them for him. That mix of pride, excitement, fear, and sadness is one every parent faces when they watch their child take this big step. And learning how to be a parent from afar? That’s a new adventure entirely. The moment a child leaves for college is a milestone unlike any other in a parent’s life. It’s a mix of pride, hope, and—let’s be honest—anxiety. Whether they’re heading off to a bustling city campus or a quiet college town, the house suddenly feels different without them. For years, you’ve been their safety net, guiding their decisions, helping them navigate challenges, and being their steady presence. And now, you’re faced with the reality that they are stepping into the world on their own.

This transition brings with it unique challenges that can feel overwhelming. For one, there’s the emotional shift of letting go. You’ve spent their entire life preparing them for this moment, but when it arrives, it’s natural to feel conflicted. You’re proud of their independence and excited for their future, but at the same time, it’s hard not to miss the small, everyday interactions—their presence at the dinner table, the sound of their laugh echoing through the house, or even the laundry they always forgot to do. Letting go doesn’t mean you stop being their parent, but it does mean reimagining your role in their life.

Then there are the worries. Will they be safe? Will they find friends who truly understand them? Will they manage their classes, or will they struggle academically? It’s easy for your mind to spiral into worst-case scenarios, especially when you’re used to being close enough to step in when needed. Now, the distance—whether it’s a short drive or a cross-country flight—can make you feel powerless. You want to protect them, but part of their growth is learning to navigate life’s challenges on their own.

Adding to this is the uncertainty about your own role. For years, you’ve been the problem-solver, the advice-giver, and, at times, the fixer. Now, your child needs you in a different way—less as a constant presence and more as a mentor, someone they can call on when they need perspective or support. Striking this balance isn’t easy. How do you stay involved without overstepping? How do you guide them without controlling their choices? And how do you handle it when they choose not to seek your advice at all?

This phase of parenting is as much about your growth as theirs. Just as they are figuring out how to be independent, you are figuring out how to support them from a distance. It’s a shift that requires patience, self-awareness, and, above all, trust. Trust that you’ve prepared them well. Trust that they’ll rise to the occasion when challenges come their way. And trust in your ability to adapt to this new dynamic.

As you navigate this transition, know that you’re not alone. Parents everywhere are learning how to embrace this new stage—how to celebrate their child’s independence while finding their own footing in a life that looks very different from before. It’s a journey of transformation for both of you, and though it can be daunting, it’s also a time of tremendous growth and opportunity.